I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
