I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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