3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Randomize
