she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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