i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
