i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
