his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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