The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
