You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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