talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize