I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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