ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
