a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
