my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
