i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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