Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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