Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
