I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
