there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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