So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
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