I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
