You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize