I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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