Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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