I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
