yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
