i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
