I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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