I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
