I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
