i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
