I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
