called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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