My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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