dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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