Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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