I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
