are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
It's shark week go big or go home
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
