Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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