I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
