I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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