When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Girls should come with a carfax report
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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