idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
