I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
