I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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