so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
