i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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