The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
