I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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