id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Life without a bra equals bliss.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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