In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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