I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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