WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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