Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize