...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
