I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize