Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
