he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
