so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
