Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
