So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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