soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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