i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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