You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
